Oh the endless beauty of watermelon smoothies in jar glasses held by the godly tanned fingers with seven thousand petite rings and a gold sticker tattoo of hamsa (palm-shaped amulet, duh). Deja-vu anyone?
If you have failed on the natural looking picture of your butt posing on the balcony, we have prepared for you a step by step summer guide to basic, which will stratosphere your self confidence into the likes heaven of Instagram.
Attention: A timer and no public shame is a must.
Make sure you pull an old looking tee with lolita sunnies to match. Use a grainy filter and adventurous attitude; top it up with a cross-feet pose somewhere in a meadow of yellow flowers. Hashtag effortless. Bonus: nature - time - outdoors well spent. Except you did not. Your jeans are now stained and you got insect bites and sun is streaming and your hair looks yellow. Just stick to mirror selfies and mental stability.
This one requires hard work and preparation. If you are a tiny bird , get butt implants. If you are juicy, make sure you got enough apps on your phone for post production. A beach is an ideal setting but if vacation is nowhere near, white sheets will do. Make sure you are holding some kind of pastry. Deceive them jealous bitches.
Get your hands on the pink motherfuckers before any of your friends do (there is only so much space for the basic). Preferably flamingos or unicorns, and we cannot stress this enough, but unfortunately you will have to find some kind of water pond/pool or sea to execute this one. Once the location is settled, make sure there is no cellulite-middle-age human beings as your backdrop. Spread your legs and look away from the camera. It is not like you are posing or anything!
Get your manicure done first. Order a gluten-free-unicorn-sparkling-blood-slash-vegan meal for Him. Sit outside (sunlight is key). Take your picture. Let Him eat that shit. Order your cheeseburger and have your lunch in peace.
If everything else fails, puppy shelter is your go to destination. Push your face and front camera to the poor creatures. It is not like they have suffered enough. Caption the best one 'Bambi'. Have a sad emoji on the ready for the comments.
This blog post was written by Masha.